note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize