ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize