I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
