fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize