So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dick has a subreddit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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