Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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