i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
