Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
