I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
