Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
