my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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