Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
