You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
