New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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