we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
