I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
