So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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