She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
