I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
