I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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