So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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