I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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