I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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