they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
