just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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