I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
birth control should be required to get into college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
