I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
