I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
