just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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