i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My vagina just clenched in fear
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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