I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
