Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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