Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
