Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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