im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
