if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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