So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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