There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
