i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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