i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
