When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am available for nakedness
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
