whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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