TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
