My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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