We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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