That's when you crack a 10am beer
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
