A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
