her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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