"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
