did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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