Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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