Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
