it hurts more in the daytime
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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