No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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