k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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