i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
