I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
