dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How does it feel to date your dad?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
