I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
farters have to be the big spoon...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize