he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
