Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
