I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
