So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize