3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
