you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
