i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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